


Aftermath in Company

by Markov_Debris



Series: Company Series [4]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s01e07 Greeks Bearing Gifts, F/M, Gen, M/M, Post-Episode: s01e06 Countrycide, Series Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 19:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12174759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markov_Debris/pseuds/Markov_Debris
Summary: After the events of Countrycide Jack, Ianto and Tosh spend time together recovering.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> In my Awaiting Universe this story comes after The Object: First Warning. It is a little different from some of the Post-Countrycide stories I have read and I hope that you enjoy.

“Gwen.”

It was Owen’s answer to Gwen’s stupid question about who they had all snogged last that drew Jack’s attention to the conversation.  He was surprised.  Despite Owen’s reputation he has somehow expected more from her.

Tosh’s awkward interrogation that brought Jack over to them.  He could hear the hurt in Tosh’s voice.  Owen of course was oblivious but Jack felt that he should join them so that the technical expert did not feel overwhelmingly alone.

“Jack?” Owen said to the new target.

“Are we including non human life forms?” he asked trying to lighten the mood again.

“God you haven’t?” Gwen burst out in amused disbelief and Tosh smiled at him briefly in relief.

“You’re a sick man Harkness that’s disgusting,” Owen sniped.

“I never know when he’s joking,” Gwen added and Jack chuckled.

“It’s my turn is it?” Ianto asked quietly not looking at them.

Only Tosh didn’t look slightly surprised to see him there before the young man looked at Gwen as said “It was Lisa,”  Tosh looked alarmed at him, knowing the answer before he said it and looked away so that she could not see the others faces fall.

They exchanged looks except for Tosh who looked at Jack.  Then Gwen said quietly “Ianto I’m sorry.”

“Sorry she’s dead or sorry you mentioned it?” he asked, his voice has a slight edge as he looked at Gwen again.

“I just didn’t think,” she replied honestly.

Ianto smiled sadly and said, “You forgot,” and turned away.

Gwen, Owen and Jack exchanged glances for a moment before Owen said, “We should get some firewood.”

“I’ll give you a hand,” Gwen said so eagerly that Tosh couldn’t tell if it was because she wanted to get out of the awkward situation she created or because she wanted to be alone with Owen.

Tosh watched them go as Ianto looked at Jack for the first time.  Jack was scowling, he knew it and couldn’t help it.  He was not sure if it was because Ianto broke the happy mood he created or because he mentioned Lisa.

It was not because the last kiss either of them had had was with each other.  He did not want the others knowing, and that was not because he was ashamed of the fact that he had kissed an unconscious man.  Ianto had been dying and his kiss brought life.  Acknowledging that it was a kiss though brought up more dreaded issues regarding Jack’s conduct that night that Ianto was trying to live past.

“I’m sorry,” Ianto said after a moment.  “I am trying.  It appears though that I have added mood killer to my list of inadequacies,” he added trying to sound a little lighter.

“No, it was a stupid game I shouldn’t have joined in,” Tosh said quietly still looking down.  She had regretted her participation as soon as she was forced to give her answer.

“It’s alright Tosh,” Ianto said with another sad smile.  “You were just being part of the team and I’m never going to be that.”

“You are part of this team because I say you are,” Jack growled angrily. 

They had all managed to work together again after Ianto’s return from his suspension, hell they had all been working hard to save him during their last couple of disastrous cases, why couldn’t the young man see that they were making an effort.

“Sir as leader you can put me on the team but only the other members can make me a part of it,” Ianto replied that edge coming back into his calm voice.

Toshiko squirmed in her seat not certain if it was because of the truth of Ianto’s words, or because she felt like an eavesdropper unexpectedly listening to a private conversation.

Jack opened his mouth to reply but Ianto beat him to it.

“Does she think I don’t have any feelings?” he asked with quiet politeness. 

“Does she believe that because I don’t display any emotion that I don’t have any?  Does she think that because I decided that working for Torchwood was what’s best for me that I am callous and heartless because you did what you had to do and I could not?” Jack and Tosh both opened their mouths to placate him despite the fact that he had not yet raised his voice.

“No that cannot be it.  After all she’s always asking me how I feel and if I want to talk about it.  Well I don’t want to talk.  I’m not ready so I am not going to speak and not to her.

“She doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a loved one to violent death and I hope she never will, so how can she understand my circumstances let alone me?” His voice raised a little but all they could do this time was stay silent.

“She wasn’t just sorry to mention it or sorry that Lisa was dead.  She didn’t just forget that, she forgot I was here.  My place is in the Hub not amongst this jolly gang of adventurers,” his voice had a little sarcasm in it now.  “I really don’t think your attempt to bring me into the team is going to work.  Unless I’m only here because you think I’m still in danger,” he added quietly to Jack.

There was silence as Jack thought about what Ianto had said.

After his slight surprise to find himself invited on this expedition Ianto had quietly set about organising things.  One slightly dubious look in his eyes for a moment was all the objection he displayed.

The team too seemed to take the news well.  Owen smirked seeing the attempt at a team building exercise in the simple missing person’s case.  Tosh merely accepted the situation and set about organising the Hub’s equipment to look after itself in their absence.  Gwen thought it was a good idea and was glad that Ianto was not being left alone to look after everything, especially after recent events.

Ianto was right though.  Away from the Hub they had reverted to being a field team.  The young man so silent that he only stopped being overlooked when they needed something from him.

As Jack was ready to say something the Welshman spoke again. “I’m sorry that was unprofessional of me it won’t happen again,” and the impassive mask was once again displayed.

“You weren’t unprofessional,” Tosh said quietly.

“We were taking a moment to socialise.  It’s what friends do at work when they have a quiet moment.  Gwen’s very proud of her relationship with Rhys.  I don’t think she knows anymore what it’s like not to have someone.”

“Tosh I’m...” Ianto began but became silent with a look from her.

“I’m reserved too.  I would not talk about myself with someone I felt uncomfortable with and I know how to be professional,” she stated with quiet dignity.

“Thank you for the coffee,” Ianto said after a moment of silence. 

The remark confused Jack as they were not drinking coffee and if they were Ianto would have made it.

“You’re welcome,” Tosh replied with a beaming smile obviously understanding; the smile made a happier looking ghost of one cross Ianto’s lips.

Before Jack could ask about the coffee, there came a call from Gwen to say that she and Owen had found a body in the woods.

Yet the exchange was why, a few hours later, Jack partnered them together to search for the SUV.  It was one of several decisions that day, which the immortal was never sure if regretted making or not.

 

 


	2. Chapter One

Jack watched the others in the mirror of the SUV as he drove towards Cardiff.  His eyes were drawn to Toshiko and Ianto.  Gwen sat beside him with the worst injuries but Tosh and Ianto had been in the most danger.

Tosh was sandwiched in the back between Ianto and Owen.  It was only very subtle but Toshiko was leaning more towards the young Welshman than the English doctor, who was fussing from the back over Gwen’s injuries.

When they got to the Hub Jack followed the others towards Autopsy, where Owen was, to check them out.  Instead they were forced to use the main area of the Hub as Ianto suddenly froze at the stairs to the autopsy area.

Jack left Owen looking after all three of the others while he went out to enact the plans he had made on the journey back.  He had not been sure if it was the right choice at first but the look he exchanged with Owen as Ianto stopped moving had made up his mind for him.

He got back as Owen was finishing his examination of Tosh.  The way Ianto stayed close to the Japanese woman made Jack smile.  His idea was unconventional but it had to be done tonight and he hoped it would help.

“All done,” Owen announced.

“Good, take Gwen home I will look after Tosh and Ianto,” Jack said “Oh and don’t come in tomorrow either of you.”

Jack waited until the cog-wheel door closed behind Gwen and Owen then crouched down in front of Tosh and Ianto as they sat on the sofa in the middle of the Hub.

“Toshiko I’m afraid that Ianto and I will have to impose upon your hospitality tonight?”

“What sir?” Ianto asked.

“Neither of you are in any state to be left alone and I do not want to leave you alone.  I have got mine and Ianto’s things as well as some supplies; we are going to stay the night at your house Tosh.  Then tomorrow we are going out to be amongst ordinary people.”

“Jack ...” Ianto started but could not quite bring himself to continue.

“You will both no doubt be having nightmares tonight.  The Hub is still on remote alert in case of trouble,” Jack said gently.

Jack could see Toshiko preparing another argument but he directed her attention towards the young Welshman.  He was sitting extremely still and not looking at anything.

“I hope then that I did not leave my house in a mess when I went out,” Tosh stated graciously.

Tosh and Ianto sat beside each other in the back of the SUV.  Normally they both shied away from contact with anybody.  Sitting shoulder to shoulder with the occasional glace was enough to reassure each other that they were alive and safe.

They sat together in Toshiko’s kitchen while Jack cooked them something to eat.  He was not that experienced with vegetarian cooking but could not face meat himself right now any more than they could.

Tosh was surprised and complemented him nervously on his cooking.  Ianto just ate quietly as though he was afraid to speak.  He was giving Jack the impression that he felt that he had done something wrong.  It was not the debut into fieldwork that Jack had been hoping for the young man but it could have been worse, he could not think right now how much worse but Jack was sure it could have been.

Then Jack noticed the slight tremble in Ianto’s hand.

“Ianto are you alright?” Jack asked with concern.

“Hurt a bit,” the young man replied quietly.

“When did you last take some pain killers?” Tosh asked.

“Before we left the Beacons,” Ianto replied.

“What?  Why haven’t you taken any of the ones Owen gave you?” Tosh demanded.

“He said they would make me fall sleep,” This quiet answer made Tosh and Jack exchange worried looks.

“That’s why you’re here Ianto.  I don’t think I will sleep well either,” Tosh said to him gently.

“Do you want to eat anymore?” Jack asked and Ianto gave a slight shake of his head.

“Tosh where’s your bathroom?” Jack asked.

“It’s en suit,” she replied and led Jack and Ianto to her room.

She did a quick survey and saw that it wasn’t too messy but to most other people it would have been considered tidy.  She felt a little uncomfortable at the thought that she was about to let he boss and a co-worker into her room but Jack smiled encouragingly and Ianto didn’t look as though he was capable of noticing anything.

“Ianto go and take a shower, keep the door open.  I’ll get your things from your bag for you to change when you have finished, then Tosh can have a shower,” Jack looked at his hostess to see if that was okay and she nodded getting out some towels.

“Use whatever you need,” she said as Ianto moved mechanically to the bathroom.

“How bad is he?” Jack whispered fiercely as soon as he heard the shower running.

“I watched Owen examine him.  There are bruises all over him.  I think ‘hurt a bit’ was the understatement of the century.  Jack, they said we had to be tenderised first.  If Ianto hadn’t head butted that cannibal that would have been me, he would have done that to me first,” she could feel the panic rising in her voice; fear returning with the memory of the chase in the dark woods.

“It’s alright Tosh, your safe and those animals are behind bars,” Jack said tenderly putting a hand on her shoulder.

She had been unsure earlier but now she knew that she didn’t want to be alone.  A small part of her wished that it was Owen here looking after her, but a bigger part was glad that Ianto was here where she could keep an eye on him, make sure he was safe.  Repay the debt his courage had incurred.

She was also very relieved about the way that Jack was behaving.  Not one flirtatious look or comment had been produced since the Captain had rescued them.  After the anger at the cannibals he had only radiated concern for his team.

She watched him now as he seemed to be vibrating.  _He doesn’t want to leave Ianto alone,_ she realised. _Is that because of what happened or something else?  Ianto is gorgeous enough for Jack but nothing can have happened between them, not before or after Lisa.  Could it?_

_No, he’s just very concerned about Ianto’s welfare.  He would probably prefer to be alone but doesn’t want Ianto to get the wrong idea.  Ianto is still in mourning, their conversation about the kiss reminded them all of that.  God was that only yesterday._

Tosh could feel tears building within her.  Could feel herself start to shake.  She was not going to break down in front of her boss.  UNIT did not break her and the cannibals would not either.

She made to leave the room but Jack stopped her.

“I thought I’d go and do the washing up,” Tosh said lamely.

“I will do that and I’ll have my shower after you are both asleep.  I meant it.  Taking a shower is as private as you are going to get tonight Toshiko Sato.  You need to be with friends.  I shouldn’t have let the two of you go off on your own,” Jack said quietly.

Then Tosh realised that it was Jack’s sense of guilt that made him decide to be here tonight.  _He thinks he is responsible for Ianto being injured and me being terrified_ , Tosh thought.

“You couldn’t have known.  We thought they were alien.  We didn’t know they were human anymore than you could know how dangerous it was.”

“Owen wanted to go after you.  We had Kieran with us.  I chose to go to ground at the Pub.  I should have gone after you,” Jack said mournfully.

The thought that Owen had been concerned made Tosh smile briefly.  Jack hadn’t noticed, he was looking at the door to her bathroom listening to the shower.

“He could have run and let me to be _tenderised_ ,” Tosh said quietly. 

The look Jack gave her told him that he knew as well as she that Ianto would not have.  She stalled his protest.

“He was afraid Jack.  When we were alone in the cellar full of discarded clothing and a fridge full of body parts we were both scared.  He looked to me because I’m the more experienced field agent.

“I face dangerous, homicidal aliens every day.  I told him it was worth the risk to protect people.  It was your duty to protect Kieran,” she told him but she was beginning to shake.

“Toshiko, Toshiko,” Jack was holding her upper arms trying to snap her out of her shakes without adding to them.

“They were people Jack.  Am I meant to protect them too?  I take on Weevils every other week but they don’t terrify me as much _they_ did.  There was almost a look of lust in his eyes.

“I froze Jack.  I couldn’t believe they were people.  Ianto tackled him once before we were bound, then again to help me escape.  All I could do was try to keep still as he touched me to see how much meat there was on me.  Then I just ran.  I didn’t even think about leaving Ianto behind.”

Tosh knew she was sobbing.  Part of her still could not accept that they were human.  Ordinary villagers with a sick tradition.  With all the terrible alien things it was human being she couldn’t cope with.

Jack was hugging her.  He did not touch her very often.  Tosh appreciated the distance he usually maintained though she knew he loved physical contact.  Right now she wanted to be held by someone she was familiar with, someone she knew had no designs on eating her.

“Ianto isn’t experienced at fieldwork, he was probably expecting something to go wrong that’s why he didn’t freeze.  Also, you were expecting aliens not humans.  You expect bizarre behaviour with aliens.  One of the scars Canary Wharf left on Ianto is the knowledge that human beings can be as terrible as the aliens,” Jack said quietly.  _One of the scars I left on Ianto was showing him humanities worst side._

“Yes and I added to that by leaving him,” Tosh snarled viciously.

“Tosh, he could have just run himself and not cared to see if you were following.  He wanted you to be safe.  He wanted you to get the rest of us…” whatever else Jack was going to add was interrupted by the sound of the shower being turned off

When Ianto emerged wrapped in towels Tosh could see her own horror in Jack’s eyes.  The bruises she had seen as Owen examined the young man were even more livid.  Horror rapidly turned to anger in Jack.  Tosh was certain in that moment that the Welshman was about to be left in her care while her boss went out to commit homicide.

 

 


	3. Chapter Two

Ianto suddenly grabbed Jack’s arm as he passed the young man, stopping him from moving away, stopping him from leaving.  She felt like an intruder again as she could not read the look that passed from younger to older man.

Jack then seemed to sag and rested his hand cautiously on Ianto’s.  She felt the younger man relax slightly without any visual indication.

“Thank you for letting me use your shampoo and shower gel.  Peaches and mangoes makes a nice change,” The Welshman said pleasantly.  “I’m sorry I forgot to take my things in with me and I’m having a little trouble moving,” he confessed slightly embarrassed.

“It’s no problem I think anything would be an improvement right now,” Tosh replied.

“Not lavender,” Ianto objected, “it makes my nose itch,” he gave a slight laugh just shy of being hysterical; Tosh looked at him in alarm.

“Don’t worry I’m thinking of developing a morbid sense of humour,” Ianto said trying to reassure her.

“Then you might sound like Owen, I much prefer your dry wit,” Tosh replied hastily.  

The thing she disliked most about Owen was his inappropriate jokes that no amount of affection could make funny.  Especially when he only ever said them when he was unhappy or being mean.

Ianto blinked at her then said seriously, “I wouldn’t want that.  Thank you again Tosh,”

Tosh looked at Jack who was hovering close to the young man in concern.  He noticed her looking at him though and asked. “You okay by yourself?”

“I won’t be that long,” she said feeling nervous.

“Leave the door open and call if you need to,” Jack said reassuringly.

Tosh nodded and took her night things with her into the bathroom.  She pushed the door closed just enough to ensure her privacy.

“Come one let’s get you ready for bed,” Jack said loudly turning to Ianto.

The young man looked at him with slight alarm.  Jack had made sure his face was carefully neutral.  It wasn’t lust he had to keep from his face though, it was anger.

Jack took the towel from around Ianto’s shoulders and began to dab gently at the young man.  He remained silent watching Jack as he carefully navigated Ianto’s upper body.  Occasionally Jack allowed himself to be distracted by the intense gaze but swiftly refocused whenever the young man winced.

“This is probably not a good time to ask you how you felt your first field mission went,” Jack asked as he moved behind Ianto to dry the young man’s back, which was as unnaturally coloured as the front. 

Ianto gave a snorted laugh.

“I think disastrously covers everything.”

“Tosh was telling me that you kept your head and that you tackled them twice to help her escape.”

Ianto went to twist round but his back tensed in pain so he stayed still as he answered, “well I couldn’t let her get killed and eaten could I.”

“You didn’t get any...” Jack began but stopped himself from saying _flashbacks to Canary Wharf._

“Well if you’d set the house on fire before you entered,” Ianto said lightly. 

Then he sighed and added, “since I joined Torchwood Three I have been around death enough that I do not associate it with my leaving London.

“They were mad and they enjoyed what they did, they were not unemotional machines.  I’m going to get an entirely new set of nightmares after today.”

Jack allowed the time he needed to grab Ianto’s t-shirt to think.  As he pulled it over the young man’s head he knew that his face as much as his silence was expressing his guilt.

“I’m getting quite used to not sleeping all the way through the night.  I don’t remember the last time I didn’t,” Ianto said quietly.

“I thought ...” Jack began not sure how to continue so he started to dry Ianto’s lower legs while the young man moved the towel to dry the area it still covered, something the older man was pointedly not looking at, the Welshman smiled slightly.

“They were getting less violent,” The young man said trying to reassure on what was now a moot point.

Jack quietly helped Ianto into his boxers.  He was trying not to stare at the ugly marks on what were otherwise extremely nice looking legs.

When the boxers were just inside the towel Jack let go and turned away so that Ianto could lift them the rest of the way.  As soon as he heard the final snap of the waistband the older man turned back with the towel to dry Ianto’s hair.

“Do you still feel like you’re not a part of the team?” he asked as he surreptitiously checked Ianto’s head for bumps.

When Ianto did not answer he looked again at the young man’s face.  He could see him working through the memories of the last forty-eight hours.

The memory of Gwen holding him while Jack shot the cannibals to wound where he now wished he had killed.  Owen’s gentleness as he examined all his injuries.  Tosh’s words in the field and in her house.

Tears welled in the young man’s eyes as he said “Jack I’m sorry, so sorry.”

“It’s alright, your safe and that is so much more important.”

Jack wanted to hug him, but couldn’t for fear of hurting him further.  Like when Ianto lifted Lisa’s cybernetic body, the Welshman’s strength surprised him.

Jack contented himself with brushing the tears from his cheeks.  They at least were unbruised.

The scent of peaches, mangoes and Ianto filled his nostrils and Jack realised he was only an inch away from the young man.  He was no longer looking distraught but uncertain.

The little voice in the back of his mind telling him this was not the right time and place did not stop Jack moving forward.  Ianto began to slowly move closer too.

 


	4. Chapter Three

Then Ianto suddenly sprang back.  Jack felt instantly hurt until he realised the bathroom door behind Ianto was opening.

He remembered that they were in Tosh’s house.  They were there to help two of his team recover for terror, shock and injury.  He was not going to take advantage of Ianto’s traumatised condition; and he highly doubted that Tosh would let him.

Tosh emerged in baggy flannel pyjamas and a dressing gown.  Her hair was up in a towel turban.  When she looked at them, Jack could see her relax a little.

“Feeling cleaner?” Ianto asked softly turning away from Jack and towards her. 

Both Jack and Tosh knew the real question was ‘Feeling better?’ but Ianto was too thoughtful to ask such an obviously tactless question.

“Yes much fresher,” which Jack and Ianto took to be Tosh’s twist on the standard answer of ‘I’m fine’.

“Did the hot water do you any good?” she asked Ianto meaning ‘Did it help relieve some of your pain”.

As Jack realised what Tosh’s question meant he exclaimed, “Oh painkillers, I’ll go get them,” and he headed out the bedroom door not seeing the fleeting smiles the two team members exchanged.

He was heading back with two bottles of pills and a glass of water and met Ianto coming out the door carrying blankets and a pillow.

“What are you doing?” Jack demanded.

“They’re going to make me sleep,” Ianto began indicating the couch.  Jack motioned urgently for Ianto to return to the bedroom just as Tosh switched off her hairdryer.

“Listen I know the two of you don’t like the idea but you are going to have to share the bed tonight.  I cannot watch over you both if you are in different rooms.

“You are both dressed, we are going to leave some lamps on.  I’ll sit in the chair over there and read a book,” Jack said firmly.

Tosh and Ianto looked at each other dubiously.  Neither could have imagined after Gwen’s stupid snog story swap game that they would be sharing a bed.  But then neither imagined that the aliens they were hunting down would turn out to be sadistic flesh eating humans either.

Tosh felt that Ianto was deferring the decision to her, it was her house after all.  Yet she also knew he was doing so out of respect for her feelings, like his own were less important.

She gave him a welcoming gesture to indicate that he should take the left hand side of the bed while she took her customary place on the right.  He smiled in gratitude as she pulled the duvet towards her so that she could sleep under that while he used the blankets she had given him earlier.

It was a move that made them feel more like two friends sharing a tent and less like two people sharing the bed.  Jack stood over Ianto holding out the two sets of painkillers.  The young man hesitated then took one of the bottles, removed two pills and swallowed them.  The older man watched him silently then helped the younger man curl into the bed.

They both lay facing away from the other but the weight beside them felt reassuring.  As Jack went to turn off the main light both slid an arm behind them and for a moment they held hands, squeezing in reassurance before letting go and trying to sleep.

Jack stood watching over them from the foot of the bed in the same way he often looked over the city.  He waited until their breathing smoothed to the regularity of sleep.

Satisfied that they were getting their needed rest Jack returned to the kitchen to tackle the washing up.  He stared at it for a moment and wished he had not been so eager to use his rare talent with a wok.

It was one of those jobs that not even a hundred years of experience had managed to improve his technique.  Even after all this time he still walked away from the kitchen sink more drenched than if he had walked fully clothed into the shower.

Washing up was one of Ianto’s talents.  The Welshman could clean all the Hubs dishes better than an electric dishwasher and walk away without so much as a splash.

He checked on his sleeping charges and then headed for his own shower.  He swiftly peeled off his clothes and let the hot water wash over him.

It had been so close.  He had nearly lost his team.  His team, people he had chosen to protect Cardiff and the Earth from aliens.

Tosh was right that was the worst bit.  They weren’t Daleks bent on extermination or Cybermen demanding that you be upgraded or deleted.  They had been human.

Jack was curled up in the bottom under the running water and crying just quietly enough that the shower masked the sound.  It was meant to be a simple mission, give Ianto a taste of fieldwork, make him more a part of the group.  Plus, if he was honest, a lingering desire to keep an eye on him, to make sure he was safe.

Those hideous bruises on Ianto.  Jack had been beaten up himself enough times to know how much pain the young man had been in.

He was so brave.  He accepted what to Jack was unacceptable.  He made no fuss for himself and just checking that Tosh was alright.

If it had been Jack he would have gone off to rip them apart at the first opportunity.  He had wanted so much to hurt them for what they had done to his people.

Ianto though hadn’t wanted that.  The young man who had once called him a monster didn’t want him to add to his crimes.  Wanted him to be a better person that those grotesque villagers.

“I’m a little afraid Ianto that it might be too late for me.  I will try though,” Jack said standing in the shower and facing the open door.

Jack found the innocuous looking shampoo that smelt of peaches with a matching conditioner and the shower gel that smelt of mangoes.  Jack used more than he needed and made a mental note to get Tosh to fill out an expenses claim to get some new ones.

He felt the fruit scents relaxing him as the hot water pounded pleasantly into his muscles.  As the smell of the last few days washed away Jack felt better able to suppress the memory and the emotions that went with it.

He stepped out of the shower and quickly towelled himself dry.  He dressed in the bedroom where he could watch over Ianto and Tosh once more.

He found that a blanket had been left on the chair by the bed.  He wrapped himself in it and settled down with a chic-lit novel that Tosh had tried to hide in an attempt to pretend that she didn’t really read that kind of thing.

 

 


	5. Chapter Four

She was being chased.  The big man with the cleaver and manic eyes was after her.  She was running through a dark forest.  He was like a wild animal.  He had her scent.  All she could do was make herself as small and quiet as she could, try and hide.

There was no hiding from such animals.  He was on her and she fell.

She was on the floor of a kitchen and there he was standing over her.  He raised a baseball bat over his head and it swung terrifyingly towards her.

“Toshiko, Toshiko it’s alright, you’re safe.”

She was awake and breathing hard.  Jack was above her, shaking her awake.  Holding her gently so that she knew he was there and didn’t feel penned in.

“Jack, Jack I’m sorry,”

“I wasn’t sleeping remember.  That’s why we’re here to stop the nightmares.”

She was not sure what he meant at first but realising that her bed did not feel right she looked over to see Ianto.  She was a little worried that he appeared to be still asleep.

“Owen was serious when he told Ianto those pills would make him sleep.  He was reacting to your distress but they were too powerful for him to wake,” Jack said as if reading her thoughts.

Toshiko was taking deep breaths to steady herself.  With Jack still carefully holding her and Ianto sleeping beside her, she felt vaguely as if the world was returning to normal, despite how abnormal this particular sleeping arrangement was.

“You haven’t been too bored watching over us?” she asked quietly.

“Been reading a book,” he replied waving the book a team of torturers would never get Tosh to confess that she owned.

She gave him a stern, ‘if you ever mention that I own that book’, look with dreadful threat implied.  It was countered with an, ‘as if I would ever mention that I read this kind of thing’ look.

“Any good?” she asked suppressing a smile at the thought of Captain Jack, alien hunter and generally acknowledged dashing hero reading a book about a successful estate agent who was hitting thirty and couldn’t decided between an old flame and a mysterious property buyer.

“Don’t know this Steven character seems to have the edge but there is something dodgy about him and Philip the property buyer isn’t much better.  I’m hoping that Simone will realise that Jenny the secretary has a crush on her and that there will be some hot lesbian action.”

Tosh just looked at him trying to decide how serious he was being and said tactfully, “I don’t think I have read as much of it as you have,” despite knowing that Jenny would later turn out to be Philip’s wife who was using her insider knowledge to help him scam sellers, Simone would be asked out on a date by James, Steven’s best friend, and fall madly in love with him while Steven was actually having a steamy relationship with Simone’s younger brother George.

She listened to Jack explain what he would have the characters do if he was the one writing the book.  Somehow Tosh didn’t think he was cut out for chic-lit.  Too many monster truck chases to catch errant partners doing things that turn out to be innocent, but resulting in very public sex.

Very Jack, but the reading public preferred realism, like remembering that the country had decency laws which would result in arrest rather than climax.  Also Tosh doubted you could get a monster truck down the streets of most country towns, like the one where the book was set, without it wedging in the middle of the road between the two houses on the opposite sides.

She let Jack’s voice drift over her and sleep tug at her.  What did she have to fear if Jack was beside her talking nonsense.  Nonsense that was so easy to imagine.

The screaming woke her.

Ianto was thrashing about on the bed beside her, still half caught in the nightmare.  She was sure he was crying out in Welsh.

“Ianto your safe.  Wake up they can’t harm you,” Jack’s voice came from the young man’s other side.

Tosh briefly wondered how he managed to move so fast to get to him without her seeing and then remembered she had been asleep.

Ianto was not calming and he was not waking.  She felt a pang and wondered is his body was so used to being afraid while he slept that it stopped bothering to wake him up.  _What if it’s the pain killers keeping him trapped in sleep?_

She dismissed that thought for the nonsense it was.  The painkillers were more likely have to induce dreamlessness.

“Ianto please Wake up for me,” Jack said softly in a tone Tosh had never heard before.

Ianto woke with a gasp looking round.  Fear crossed his face as he took in the unfamiliar surroundings.

Tosh gently took his hand and he looked at her.  Recognition flooded his features.  Ianto gazed at her intently as if trying to make sure she was real and safe.

She looked at Jack and with a nod she pulled Ianto’s hand towards her.  The captain lifted the Welshman closer to Tosh and then climbed in the bed behind him.

Jack pressed himself close but not quite touching the young man’s back.  Only his right arm made contact as it held on to the Welshman.

He whispered calming words, sentiments he hoped were real, or he could live up to.  Anything to let Ianto know he was safe, cared for and with friends.

Tosh could see the effect Jack’s words were having.  She faced Ianto and reached her left hand towards him.

She could see the apology in his eyes for disturbing her sleep.  It frightened her that he seemed unable to say anything, as if worried that words would make him be noticed.

She smiled at him in reassurance.  She wanted him to be aware that she was alive, well and there was nothing for her to forgive.

Ianto hesitantly moved his right hand up.  Jack took advantage of the gesture to snake his arm underneath and around the Welshman’s waist.

As Ianto’s hand neared Tosh’s it stopped.  He directed his gaze away as though ashamed for such a bold action.

Tosh though did not care.  She gently took his hand and held it between them.  She felt him return the clasp as his eyes returned to her face.

Whether it was the touch of her hand or Jack’s words in his hear or both, Ianto began to relax.  His eyes began to close slowly as if he was fighting them.

It was not until the young man was asleep that Tosh felt herself relax too.  She could not understand Jack’s words but let the sound of his voice deepen her own calm.

When the sound of her breathing told Jack that Tosh was asleep to he stopped talking.  He knew he should probably get up and go back to his chair but felt an incredible reluctance to do so.

This was defiantly not how he envisioned his first time in bed with Ianto.  Yet now he was here, holding the young man and it didn’t matter that they hadn’t had sex or that Tosh was in bed with him, Jack had too much respect for Tosh ever to put her into one of his fantasies.

With thoughts racing and Ianto’s scent caressing his nostrils Jack entered the meditative state that was as close to sleep as his mind usually achieved.

 


	6. Chapter Five

Jack’s mind surfaced from its meditations just before dawn.  He enjoyed being close to the young man in front of him before remembering why they were both there.

Reluctantly he withdrew his arm and carefully got out of bed.  Ianto and Tosh were still asleep and holding hands, a gesture which he had not been able to see before.

Once during the night Ianto had been entering a nightmare and Jack roused from his meditation.  Pressing closer to the young man and whispering soft words of comfort had been enough to sooth and change the dream so he did not wake.

Jack began to turn the lights off as the light penetrated the curtains.  He picked up Tosh’s book from where he had thrown it in his haste to get to Ianto.

The plot was turning out to be nothing like he imagined it.  Still the author had an excellent turn of phrase which was surprising him and he wanted to know how things would turn out for them.

He set the book down and, with a last look at his sleeping charges, headed for the kitchen to begin breakfast.  With a determined look on his face he started thinking about preparing a meal to make arteries weep.

As soon as he heard Jack leave the room Ianto opened his eyes.  He had woken as soon as Jack moved, suddenly missing the presence behind him.

He couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed about having spent the night being held by his boss as a comfort against nightmares.  He just felt immensely sad, like he had lost something.

He just stayed still, close to Tosh so that she would not feel abandoned when she woke.  She had been through enough because of his lack of experience, he didn’t want to add the rejection of friendship.

Ianto began to wonder why Jack’s presence had been so calming last night and his leaving so distressing this morning.  Perhaps Jack was right and he just needed to be with someone last night.

_It’s because I don’t deserve such kindness, because I know it will not happen again._

Ianto had always been aware that Jack liked him.  That his flirtation came from a genuine interest in him.  It was just one of the many things that Ianto had destroyed.

_The problem is that I liked him to.  I so rarely like people that way.  There has to be something special that catches my attention.  Lisa had that something special and so did Jack._

Special though Jack was, Ianto could not have acted on it.  Not while his beautiful Lisa was in such pain, needed him so much.  The problem was Lisa’s need of him had been a lie, he had destroyed everything for a falsehood.

In the beginning Ianto had allowed attraction to become a fondness.  That was all he had been able to give Jack, fondness and the odd friendly flirtation.

There had been times though when Jack seemed to draw him closer.  Times when Ianto became so close to Jack that he became close to confessing.  At his worst Ianto had wanted to say something simply to make Jack stop wanting something Ianto could not give him.

He had been close to telling Jack the day he received a reply from Doctor Tanizaki.  If he had been an hour later Jack would have dealt with the cyberwoman and Ianto would not have two deaths on his conscious.

_No, the only reason Jack helped me last night is because he once liked me.  It’s enough for him to care a little.  That and the guilt he feels about how badly my first field mission went._

_It’s okay, there can never be anything more than my once fondness and his once affection.  My betrayal hurt him too badly for him to be able to feel anything more._

_That’s all I want, his once affection.  I cannot feel like that again, I cannot even risk more than nostalgic feeling.   I do not want to_ _feel_ _such passion again only to be hollowed out by loss._

_I must be so dead inside that a simple act of kindness, the touch of that which is forever lost fills me equally with fear and anticipation._

_I hope Jack that I can feel fond of you again.  I enjoyed that small affection.  I’m sorry it can never be more.  I am glad you will never want it to be more._

Ianto’s mournful thoughts were disturbed by Tosh waking.  He swiftly stilled his turbulent mind and placed a softer version on his customary mask upon his face.

“Good morning,” Ianto said quietly not yet trusting his voice.

“Good morning Ianto,” Tosh replied quietly.

They both suddenly became aware that they were still holding hands.  They withdrew instantly and looked at the other in apology.  Seeing identical looks on the others face they both smiled shyly.

The smell of cooking made them both look towards the door.

“I wonder if Jack has a thing against healthy eating,” Tosh said getting out of bed and putting on her dressing gown.

“Why do you say that?” Ianto asked and moved to rise.

Forgotten pain washed over Ianto making him fall back on to the bed.  He was aware of Tosh instantly at his side checking he was alright.

“I’m okay.  Owen’s painkillers have just worn off and I’m a little stiff.  I will take some more after breakfast,” Ianto stated allowing Tosh to help him to stand.

“You should take them now,” she said reaching for the bottles.

“You shouldn’t take medication on an empty stomach.  As long as I don’t move too much I should be fine to eat breakfast,” Ianto replied. 

Looking at her honest, concerned face he added, “I am feeling better than I was last night.  I was so glad not to have another restless, nightmare filled night that I sort of forgot about my injuries.  Moving helped me remember and it kind of took me by surprise.”

“Okay,” Tosh said nodding but still worried.

“So what was this theory about Jack being against good health?”

“Well in the Hub he only ever seems to want you to get takeaways and this morning he is cooking what smells like scrambled eggs.”

“And he’s burning the toast,” Ianto added making Tosh smile.

The both took a deep breath and went to find out what their fearless leader had made them for breakfast.

 

 


	7. Chapter Six

Jack beamed at them as they entered the kitchen.  He tried not to let the fact that he had noticed Ianto walking stiffly make his smile falter.

“I did scrambled eggs on toast and some juice,” Jack said happily.

Tosh and Ianto exchanged looks but sat down quietly as Jack placed plates in front of them.  Ianto added brown sauce to his before taking a dubious bite.

Ianto was careful not to let his surprise at how good they tasted show on his face.  He looked up to see Jack carefully watching him and complimented his cooking, causing Jack to smile again.

“So when you have finished breakfast we will take it in turns to shower and dress then we are going to Newport,” Jack announced adding another slice to toast to Ianto’s plate.

The young man looked questioningly at Jack but ate the toast out of shear politeness.

“Why are we going to Newport?” Tosh asked nodding in approval at Jack’s not so subtle attempt to get Ianto to eat more.

“We are going to visit the tourist attractions.  See the castle, St. Woolos Cathedral, look at chartist statues,” Jack replied cheerfully.

Ianto gave Jack another look.  _Why had he been looking through the leaflets in the Tourist Office?  Sure I would never deny Jack the chance to see Wales in all her beauty but Jack’s not one of nature’s tourists is he?_

“I don’t understand why...” Tosh began but Jack cut her off.

“You have just seen one of the worst sides of human nature and in each other, in our team we have seen aspects of the best.  That cannot stay fixed in our minds.

“You asked me Tosh if protecting people meant including _them_.  It has to or we are no better than they are,” Jack said glancing at Ianto and felt relieved to see the young man’s slight nod of approval as he considered Jack’s words.

“I can’t make them better people Tosh, but we can find others who are more worthwhile.  We need to be away from Cardiff, we need to be around the ordinary, just for a day.”

“We shall have to go back to the Hub first to collect my car.  It will look less conspicuous and, if a Rift alarm sounds, then at least Owen can use the SUV while we head back,” Ianto said before Tosh could say anything.

“Excellent, Ianto take your painkillers and then you can grab the first shower,” Jack said smiling again.

“I’ll get you some more towels,” Tosh said leading Ianto back to her room.

“You do have a lot of towels,” Ianto commented as she handed him a fresh set.

“Most people get toiletries as presents when the gift giver cannot think of anything to buy.  For some reason people seem to think they are being innovative by buying me towels but it just means that I have enough towels to open a guesthouse,” Tosh said with a smile then asked.

“Why did you agree with him?”

“I’ve always wanted to see Newport Castle,” Ianto said with a cheeky smile which made her smile too.

“I cannot imagine doing anything other than working for Torchwood without the aid of a lot of Recon, though I don’t think that I’d want to leave the Hub anytime soon.

“When you told me it was worth the risk to protect people my first thought was but you lot all know how to take care of yourselves.

“While I was on suspension I would visit Cardiff’s tourist attractions to watch people.  To remember, to know why I work for Torchwood like you, I stay to protect people.

“I realised though that since my return from suspension that my world had narrowed again.  The people I protect are just you, Jack, Owen and Gwen.  It has to be more than that.”

“I should have known this was really your idea,” Tosh said playfully trying to lighten the mood, to hide her embarrassment at his complement. 

“Jack’s idea of connecting with _people_ seems to involve standing on roofs and staring down at the city were they look more like ants.”

Ianto laughed at that and said, “Yes but he does make a very photogenic image.  Did you know there is a website of dedicated Jack spotters?  They run competitions to see who can take the best picture of him on a roof.”

“Does Jack know that he has stalkers?” Tosh asked with mild concern.

“They are not exactly stalkers.  They just watch the roofline to see if he is there and take his picture.  Most of them are pretty blurred.  I was last September’s best picture though,” he added slyly and Tosh laughed.

“When we get back to work tomorrow you’re going to give me that website address so that I can verify your opinion,” Tosh said sternly but with an expression that told him that the website might soon have a new member.

As Ianto entered the bathroom and Tosh turned to the bedroom door Jack, on the door’s other side made a quick dash to where he had left the washing up in an intimidating pile.

Ianto’s words had both saddened and heartened the Captain.  Lisa’s death was not a constantly weeping scar.  It was a healing one that, while unlikely to fade completely, was only really bleeding when it got knocked.

As he set about his daunting task he smiled at himself when he remembered the end of the conversation.  He shall have to remember when he next went up to the skyline to pose for his fans.

 


	8. Chapter Seven

The day was going well Jack thought.  They had gotten ready without incident.  Returned to the Hub for Ianto’s car, which Jack had to admit suited their purpose better.  He was even very careful with it when Ianto reluctantly let him drive.

Newport Castle was not exactly as Jack expected.  Tosh was obviously trying to be more impressed with it that she felt.  Ianto soon took pity on them and suggested they try the Cathedral.

Tosh was still really just there to please them.  Although she looked at the building it was really the people and her two friends in particular that interested her.

Ianto obviously enjoyed looking around.  He studied each feature carefully and read the plaques describing the history of the place.  Tosh and Jack both knew he was going to recommend the cathedral to anyone who next enquired at the Tourist Office.

Jack felt strangely calm as he looked around.  It was mostly silent, not oppressive but an appropriate silence like you get in a library.  A silence caused by respect.

Jack shook himself and after an hour of looking around, he gathered up Ianto and the bored Tosh and headed out into the sunshine towards a pub for lunch.

After their very pleasant lunch it was obvious that Ianto was getting tired.  He did not directly say anything but his eyes were spending too much time closed and his accent thickened.

So Jack took them to Belle Vue Park.  It was a rare day of sunshine with a hint of a breeze.

They had taken a blanket from Ianto’s car and spread it under a tree for them all to sit on.  They watched people passing by and made up outrageous stories about who they were, what they did and what their destinies were.

Ianto was soon asleep with his coat under his head for a pillow.  Jack and Tosh sat on either side of him.  They continued their game quietly until Tosh too began to feel sleepy in the sunshine.

The last thing she remembered before she lay down on her own coat pillow was the sight of Jack pulling that wretched chick-lit book out of his coat pocket.

A change in the atmosphere woke Tosh up.  She was surprised as the sun felt just as warm and the breeze just as gentle but something was wrong.

She looked over to her companions and was shocked to find her captain silently crying.

“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly, concerned but unwilling to wake Ianto. 

Jack waved the book at her.

“It made me wonder if it would be best to Retcon him.  He’s so young perhaps it would be best for everyone if I just made him forget everything.  Return him to when he was happy and innocent.”

“I think you would destroy Torchwood,” Toshiko said simply.

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration Tosh, anyone could...”

“No Jack,” she interrupted, “It’s not what he does it’s how he does it.”

Jack stayed silently questioning, waiting for his technical genius to formulate a theory which was really in Gwen’s area of expertise.

“Setting aside Gwen’s belief that Ianto is a slave driven into doing the work of five people.”

“I hardly ever ask Ianto to do anything.  His job is all of his choosing,” Jack hissed in protest having missed Toshiko’s slight smile before he spoke.

“I know,” she reassured him before continuing seriously.

“Something Ianto said this morning made me realise that Ianto protects us.  I don’t mean the brave hero rescue, you do that hands down,” Tosh said quickly at a sceptical look from Jack.

“I mean that he protects us in a way I’m still not sure I can describe.  It was a notion that was nagging me after you made me check through all the security footage after Lisa, and this morning I began to understand.

“I come up with the plans to cover up the deaths and he carries them out, giving respect to them even as we desecrate.  He gives me what I need, coffee, equipment and information so that I can stay absorbed in Torchwoods problems.  He also makes sure to cause slight distractions when I need a break and don’t realise it.

“He handles Owen’s surliness and your flirtations with ease and patience.  He even handles Gwen’s constant questions with more patience than is human sometimes,” she looked up at Jack and saw him smile sadly.

“I wondered last night why, with everything Torchwood had done to him, why he would put himself at risk for me.”

“He’s a good man,” Jack replied simply.

“It’s not as simple as that Jack, or does it make me a bad person because I panicked and ran leaving the least experienced member of our team to be beaten and bled,” she asked angrily still feeling the guilt and Jack winced.

“No it doesn’t and I’m sorry.  I’m sure Ianto doesn’t think that either.  I’m getting the impression that Ianto was the only one to handle himself well in the Beacons,” Jack replied genuinely and that earned a smile from Tosh.

“I had the notion before I fell asleep that Ianto used to act like a Victorian nanny and the rest of us are the family children in his charge.  He looked after us, made sure we have what we want or need, educated us on what we cannot have and held us in affection.  But he was not a part of the family.  He was detached and removed from us to do his job when part of him wanted to mean more.”

Jack stared at the sleeping young man then at Tosh.  Her analogy seemed to fit in a way that made Jack uncomfortable.

“I’m the boss I’m hardly in need of a nanny,” Jack said put out.

“You were the teenager who is five/seven years older than the rest.  You needed a different kind of care and protection than the rest of us.  You also needed greater distancing as you seemed to have developed a crush on the babysitter,” she said with a smile remembering enjoying the playful exchanges between the two men that she had not seen since Lisa died.

“Ianto sees me as a child?” Jack said incredulously considering he was nearly ten times Ianto’s age.

“He did,” she said sadly; she was reluctant to continue, but the look Jack gave her drove her to explain.

“Lisa was his charge too.  The one that belonged to him, the one that he was allowed to feel more for.”

“The one we killed,” Jack said ruthlessly making Tosh wince, “you are not doing a very good job of convincing me that he is better off without us.”

“And you will never get me to believe that you will destroy the only memories of being loved he has.  Take Torchwood and you take away that.

“You will kill him because he will no longer be the person she influenced, the person we know.  He is coming to terms with his loss,” Tosh said imploringly then looking at Jack’s face she suddenly realised.

“You have had this argument with yourself before Jack.  You have already decided that you want him to stay in Torchwood.  What’s suddenly changed?” she demanded softly.

Jack looked very guilty.  He could not look at her, only stare at Ianto.

“I told him a lie while he was on suspension.  I didn’t realise it at the time.  I told him I would only do _something_ if the fate of the world was at stake.  It seems that I would do that _something_ if my team is at stake too.  Something I don’t think he would approve of and I’m sure he will find out.”

Jack knew he wasn’t making sense but how could he tell her.  _I tortured one of them.  I used the skills that I have and promised myself I would never touch again._

_I did it for you Toshiko, and for Ianto.  Knowing Ianto certainly would find the act unforgivable.  Sure I didn’t add to the wounds already inflicted on that man I just added to his pain._

_I wanted to kill him.  I almost killed him after what he told me.  The thought of my mysterious Ianto and my cleaver Toshiko being beaten and bled and eaten, I wanted to kill them all.  If Gwen hadn’t stopped me?  I didn’t need to see Ianto to want them all dead._

“This is not a Torchwood Investigation.  They were not alien, they had no alien technology nor were they influenced by aliens.

“All that we need to do is make statements to the police, hand over the information we gathered to them, have a post mission medical exam and a de-briefing with a note in the records that as this was not something within our jurisdiction and that we turned it back over to the authorities who have visited the scene and gathered their own evidence and dealt with the perpetrators.

“Nothing else is required on our records Jack.  You wouldn’t tell the police something you wouldn’t want Ianto to know would you?” she asked innocently.

He looked at her.  She didn’t know what he had done but she could imagine.  She knew the necessities of their job.

He had included her in his plans for last night and today because she was just as traumatised as Ianto.  Not physically but they had pushed her to the edge of fear, just as Canary Wharf had with Ianto.

She was willing for him to get away with what he did, what she imagined he had done, because she had been hurt too.  She was grateful that Jack had saved them and didn’t care how.

Ianto had the deaths of Tanizaki and Lisa to make him not want any more, even those that deserved it.  Part of Jack was sure that if Ianto had a vengeful nature his name would be on Ianto’s list.

“You are right Tosh it’s a police investigation now and I have given them my statement.  We will turn everything else over to them tomorrow,” Jack stated.

“So did you like the book?” Tosh asked trying to raise Jack’s spirits.

Unnoticed beneath them as they discussed the book Ianto smiled.  He already knew about the tortured cannibal.

He had long ago assumed that the welfare of his team was as important to Jack as the safety of the world.  Despite Jack’s idealising, Ianto was capable of being torn between not wishing harm upon another person and appreciating the results.

He decided if Tosh was willing to forgive this crime then he would not let Jack know that he knew.  The whole purpose of their day out was to put the incident behind them and to remember why they did what they did.

Ianto let himself drift to sleep into a dream about being a Victorian nanny scolding toddler aged Owen and Gwen for drawing in crayon on the Hub walls, while Tosh played computer games and a teenaged Jack followed him around trying to kiss him as he dusted.

 

They all felt a sadness as it began to get late and they had to head back to Cardiff.  When they arrived back in the city they went to a restaurant for a meal as they were not yet ready to part company.

As they finished the restaurant’s surprisingly good coffee they all felt comfortable with each other and with the idea of being parted.  Ianto drove Tosh home and Jack to the Hub before going home himself.

Entering, he suddenly realised that he was home, not at a house where he happened to sleep.  It took him a moment to figure out what was different.

For the first time in too long Ianto felt that, while he was by himself, he was no longer alone.

 

 


	9. Epilogue

Ianto conducted the interview in a professional manner and Toshiko appreciated it.  That, and the box of tissues, allowed Tosh to slip into some semblance of normality.

Her experience with the pendant had badly shaken her.  What Mary had done to her seemed to her now to be as terrible as how Jack saved her.

Sitting in the conference room making her report with Ianto seemed like such a bizarre way to end an evening.  The young man though was offering her sympathy without saying it, without it obviously bleeding from every look he gave her.  Listening without judging.

All the things she heard.  The secrets that were not real only the mind’s personal whims.  She never felt as retched as she did now.  Not even in UNIT prison.  She knew what it felt like to have her privacy easily invaded and she had done something far worse to her friends.

She looked at Ianto.  She knew Jack had chosen him to take her statement because of the bond they had formed after their disaster in the Brecon Beacons.  Someone whose own conduct had once been close to what hers had been.

The young man was doing his best to reassure her.  To let her know that he was still her friend.  The problem was that his thoughts haunted her more than knowing that Owen had, typically, followed his balls into Gwen’s bed.

“I’m sorry I was at the dentist,” Ianto said quietly.

“What?” Tosh said suddenly realising they had finished the report without her paying attention.

“When you met Mary, you said that you wanted to go out with someone for a drink.  I wasn’t there to be asked because I was at the dentist.”

“If I had known you needed dental work I would not have asked you,” Tosh reassured him.

“It was just my six month check up.  Which was about four months overdue,” Ianto confessed.

“That’s Torchwood for you more important than teeth,” she said, trying to make light when she felt leaden.

“I’m the one who put off the appointment not Torchwood.”

“Not everyone likes dentists.”

“They never bothered me before.  I rejoined my old dentist’s practice as soon as I returned from London, it was only prudent.  No, it was the thought of lying down in the chair with instruments over me.  I couldn’t help feel…” the rest of the sentence did not need to be said as Tosh took his hand.

She suppressed her own shudder at the similarities between the dentist chair and a cyber conversion unit.  Ianto didn’t like being treated by Owen in Autopsy either.  Tosh was sure the medic only treated them there to be ghoulish.

“I thought it was time I tried to get over that fear,” Ianto said shyly.

“Is that why...” Tosh stopped herself; she had no right to ask him about something she only knew because she had violated his mind’s privacy.

He brushed a thumb over her hand making her look up.  Ianto’s gentle eyes asked her to continue.  He wanted to explain but she had to ask him, he was giving his permission for her to ask him.

“I heard your thoughts when you were cleaning up the coffee cups.  You seemed to be so hurt, in such pain.  I thought...” she could not tell him what she had assumed before she heard his thoughts when it was so obviously wrong.

“It is getting better Tosh.  The pain of losing Lisa it is fading slowly,” he said softly

“But...” she stopped as he withdrew his hand and looked down almost embarrassed.

“It seems silly now.  Jack asked me to make him coffee.  I’ve tried to be so efficient that he hasn’t had to ask before.  I guess with my relief at conquering my phobia I got a little lax.”

She looked at him not sure what he meant.  Though it sounded silly, she knew he had to have a reason.  He looked at her and said.

“The last time Jack asked me to make him coffee was just before the first power drain, when Doctor Tanizaki died.  It was the last thing any of you asked of me before I betrayed you.”

“Oh Ianto,”

“I’m okay Tosh it was just a momentary relapse.  It’s not as if I can now go and tell Jack that he’s never allowed to ask me for his favourite hot beverage.  Like you, I just need more time.”

“Thank you Ianto,” she said feeling immensely grateful that he still placed a trust in her that she was certain she had destroyed.

“I know it is probably very inappropriate to bring this up now...” he continued quietly.

“What is it Ianto?” she asked encouragingly.

“I just wanted you to know that, when you are ready, I would like to tell you and Jack about Lisa.  Jack needs to know, I want him to understand why I betrayed him.  But I would like to tell you as my friend,” he said quietly.

“Ianto...” she began unsure.

“Not now obviously you have your own wounds to heal.  When you’re ready.”

“Thank you Ianto, I would be honoured to hear about Lisa,” she answered quietly giving him a smile which he returned.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked his eyes flickering towards the door where outside Gwen and Owen were whispering.

“I have to face them some time.  It’s best that it is now,” she replied.

He nodded and stood with her.  He tried not to look as she bravely walked out the door.

That was why he didn’t realise Jack was standing in the other doorway into he almost walked into the man.

“Sorry sir,” he said hastily.

“I would be honoured to,” Jack said quietly making Ianto wonder how long he had stood there unnoticed.

“Finish up your work here.  I need to talk to Tosh by myself when she’s finished with Gwen and Owen.”

“Be gentle with her Sir,” Ianto requested quietly.

“I will and then I’m going to take you out to dinner.  Just to talk, to see how you are getting on.”

Ianto scarcely gave a “Yes sir” before Jack turned away.  From that day though Jack tried not to ask Ianto directly to make him coffee and Ianto tried to make sure that he never had to ask.

 

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story, like all of the Company Series, was written before Big Finish gave us Broken. At the time I wrote this there was an accompanying footnote saying how I didn't think Jack and Ianto had started their sexual relationship until just before They Keep Killing Suzie (something which Broken bears out; I know the romantic in me doesn't like it either, but still I know that is exactly how their relationship really developed and Ianto/Gareth are brilliant in it). I also added how I thought that how Tosh deals with this episode often got brushed aside, either leaving her alone or leaving her in Owen's care, despite his blossoming relationship with Gwen, when she would be emotionally traumatised by the experience. It was a long justification for my choice, which included a timeline for between Day One and they Keep Killing Suzie, and if you want to read it in full feel free to visit my Live Journal under the same name and select the Company Aftermath tag. 
> 
> Any way ramble over and I hope that you enjoyed my take on this.
> 
> The next story in this series, which I will be posting soon, is Company Therapy which has additional archive warnings that means that some people might not want to read it. For those people you can skip this story and move onto the next story Company of a Friend. I will have a brief summary of Company Therapy at the beginning of the story for those people so that you know the essence without the detail, so that your continued enjoyment of this series isn't spoiled.


End file.
